Human (Rikki) and her fluffy tuxedo cat (Kiki). Human’s a retired writer/editor/instructional designer. Kiki usually sends our replies. Read our daily chats aloud (CAPS = emphasis). We love cats, pix & art! No DMs!
Rikki and Kiki
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“Kiki, making biscuits on me at…1 a.m.?”
“Special RECIPE, human!”
“What’s special about it?”
“Ingredients are WAKING you at night, PUSHING you relentlessly and REPEATING every half-hour!”
“A recipe for DISASTER, Kiki!…I’m pushing YOU off the bed!”
“Don’t worry, human…Got a NEW batch coming up!”
“Human, you don’t give me enough TREATS!”
“I know, Kiki!”
“And you don’t PLAY with me enough!”
“Right!”
“And you BRUSH me too much!”
“Yes!”
“And you take me to the VET too often!”
“True!”
“And you keep AGREEING with me! Why, human?”
“‘Cause you’re NEVER wrong, Kiki…That’s what you tell me!”
“Kiki’s Notes to Human #41: You chatter about MEANINGLESS things—whether they involve me or not: why you’re going out, when you’ve cleaned my box, what’s the weather, what I’m gonna eat, etc. Because my ears are ABOVE my head, your nonsense can go in ONE ear and out the OTHER…no listening required!”
“Kiki, ROOM service!”
“Put it over there, human! What’s for lunch?”
“These are your TUNA shreds, and these are your TURKEY treats! So, bon appétit!”
“Why you still STANDING there?”
“It’s customary to give your server a TIP, Kiki…A headbutt?”
“Here’s a BIG tip, human: Don’t mix turkey and tuna!”
“Kiki, stop licking my FEET! I’m trying to sleep!”
“I was licking MY feet, human!”
“No, you weren’t! YOU have furry feet…I don’t!”
“You could just GROW fur!”
“You’re FORGETTING something!”
“That growing fur takes TIME?”
“No, Kiki! That I want to sleep…and NOT discuss furry vs. non-furry feet!”
“Kiki, I can’t WALK if you’re at my feet! Why follow me so much?”
“You KNOW, human…Guess!”
“You want me to pet you?”
“Nope! Guess again!”
“You want your litter cleaned?”
“Nope!”
“You want wet food and treats?”
“Yep! Now, was that so HARD, human?”
“I was running out of things to guess, Kiki!”
“Kiki, you’re on one end of the couch…I’m on the other end! It’s WRONG!”
“Not to ME, human!”
“Want to sit with me?”
“I can’t nap with you right here. I gotta nap ALONE!”
“I want to be TOGETHER…Let’s split the difference! We’ll be alone—and together!”
“As long as I keep the ‘alone’ part, human!”
(recording) “You’ve reached Kiki’s phone. You can leave a message—but I ain’t calling back! Wait for the BEEP…Beep!”
(later) “Kiki, I called to leave an important message for you…but I’d rather deliver it in PERSON!”
“What’s the message, human?”
“Something to give you! Wait for the BOOP…Boop!”
“NO, human!”
“Kiki, I’m only PETTING you!”
“What gives you the RIGHT?”
“Our contract! I care for YOU, you let me pet you!”
“I didn’t agree to THAT! Let me see it!”
“Here!…You’re tearing it up?”
“It’s a FAKE!”
“Yes! Our contract’s unwritten, Kiki. You CAN’T tear it up!”
“Give me time, human!”
“Kiki, I changed your WATER!”
“To what, human?”
“To FILTERED tap water. You were drinking unfiltered.”
“Big deal!”
“It’ll TASTE different. If you don’t like it, you have unfiltered water in your other bowl.”
“I’ll try it and say EXACTLY what I think, human!”
“I know, Kiki! You have no filter!”
