“Human, where’s the remote? I wanna see my SHOW!”
“It’s on the COUCH…Which show is it, Kiki?”
“Kitty lies on the remote…human tries to coax her off…kitty won’t budge…human puts her hand under kitty…kitty SCRATCHES her!”
“I’ve seen it MANY times, Kiki!”
“It’s a CLASSIC, human! Let’s get started!”
“Kiki’s Notes to Human #38: You HIDE my things, making it almost impossible for me to get them for myself! You put nip, treats, etc., out of SIGHT—and put other things out of REACH! But I know where you keep each of them! All I gotta do is stand right where it is and MEOW…and you deliver the goods!”
“Kiki, I wanted to say this for years: It’s so NICE being with you. Your face, fur, tail and paws are SPECIAL! Don’t change a thing! You’re the very BEST!”
“You say something, human?”
“Only the most important thing I’ve EVER said, Kiki!”
“I’ll pay more attention the NEXT time you say it…or not!”
“Kiki, once and for all, stop scratching me EVERY time I pass by!”
“OK, human! I won’t!”
“Good…You didn’t scratch me THAT time. Keep it up!”
“I’ll try!”
“Oh, Kiki! You scratched me AGAIN! What happened to ‘once and for all’?”
“So, I decided ‘once’ was enough, human! But ‘for all’ was TOO much!”
“Human, don’t bother me! I wanna be ALONE!”
“Kiki, you don’t want any company?”
“Didn’t you read my new PRIVACY policy?”
“I NEVER read those—too long and boring!”
“But mine’s SHORT! It says, ‘Leave me alone whenever I want!’”
“OK, Kiki. But always remember: You are not alone…and neither am I!”
“Kiki, you leaped from the dresser…climbed across the chair…and jumped to the BED!”
“I’d climb a MILLION chairs for you, human!”
“But you turned your BACK to me!”
“To protect you!”
“From whom?”
“ME, human! You’re less likely to PET me and get BITTEN!”
“Kiki, I’d take a million BITES from you!”
“Kiki’s Notes to Human #39: You provide food, water, litter, warmth, checkups, etc., for my PHYSICAL health. But aren’t you forgetting my MENTAL health? I need STMULATION, discovery and a steady routine! You should spend more time playing with me, petting me and talking to me…except if I’m NAPPING!”
“Shoo, Kiki!”
“That’s what they are, human…Shoos!”
“Stop PLAYING! I need to go!”
“Just wear DIFFERENT shoes!”
“But you have your OWN toys—REAL toys!”
“Nope, I ain’t finished with THESE yet!”
“Kiki, you’re a SHOO-IN for the Most Annoying Cat Award!”
“It’s an HONOR just to be nominated, human!”
“Human, you work HARD writing stories!”
“So time-consuming, Kiki, but WORTH it!”
“I wrote YOU a story to show how much I care!”
(reads) “‘Human eats kibble…naps…grooms…sniffs ‘nip…uses a LITTER BOX!’”
“It kinda GRABS you!”
“Behaving like a CAT?”
“I gave you a PROMOTION, human! You earned it!”
“Kiki, I’d tell YOU if I was concerned about your health. So tell ME your issues!”
“Only the pain in my NECK, human!”
“You’ve had it long?”
“Years!”
“I’ll MASSAGE you…This help?”
“Nope!”
“Now?”
“Nope!”
“I’m calling the VET, Kiki!”
“Don’t, human! I’m LOOKING at the pain in my neck…It’s YOU!”
