"There’s a shiny brass orb that you can’t fully see your reflection in and retains the smudged fingerprints of anyone who has ever touched it. The small one costs $186, and the large one is the cost for one semester’s room and board at a state university."
"In today's AI-driven world, being digitally fluent is a must. We need someone proficient with ChatGPT, Gemini, and ancient runes. Prophecy isn't a requirement, but it's strongly encouraged if you want to stand out from the rest of the herd."
McSweeney's
McSweeney's
"Maybe I’m just someone who lives in the moment, and that’s why I vote for candidates who only think about the now rather than about the past, future, or any people who might not be in my visual range at the moment."
"But Alfred, who was not partial to respecting boundaries and often felt entitled to women’s personal information, kept asking, 'Why do you wear it?'"
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
It's Van Gogh's birthday today, so we are contractually obligated to point you toward this ridiculous piece in our archives by Audrey Burges.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
McSweeney's
"I loved the books as a child, and I’d say their message of friendship, courage, and imagination is more relevant than ever—please treat this as my official stance and disregard any contradictory statements I’ve made on social media, at least until my accounts are deleted."
"Each meal kit is personally delivered to your home by an Indian mom with a giant cooler bag. You’ll have to unpack it immediately because she’ll want it returned right away. She needs it."
McSweeney's
McSweeney's
“In today’s AI-driven world, being digitally fluent is a must. We need someone proficient with ChatGPT, Gemini, and ancient runes. Prophecy isn’t a requireme...
“We have things that resemble plates, but they can’t be used as plates because they are too small. Or maybe, you think, they could be plates for hamsters. Th...
The Believer/McSweeney's is now accepting applications for paid, part-time editorial interns. Our application window will end on April 24. For more details:
www.mcsweeneys.net/pages/mcswee...
McSweeney's
McSweeney's
“But Alfred, who was not partial to respecting boundaries and often felt entitled to women’s personal information kept asking, ‘Why do you wear it?’” 3/30/26
“I may have been a penniless, desperately depressed artistic genius in nineteenth-century France, but in my soul, I was a one-man merch machine.” 3/30/23 (b-...
I was expecting this email from my work’s cloud over lord (I mean provider, sorry, provider), but McSweeney’s beat them to it
buff.ly
“I loved the books as a child, and I’d say their message of friendship, courage, and imagination is more relevant than ever—please treat this as my official ...
“Personally curated by hundreds of Indian moms, our new meal kits share ancient secrets passed down for generations straight to you. Yes, you, who grew up in...
“With a brain that’s permanently set to read-only, it’s easy for me to pick strong candidates who don’t waste time planning ahead because ‘ahead’ is an illus...
"Our product identifies legacy process-driven, rule-based back-office tasks and streamlines them through clear process mapping and the automation of human-augmented workflow nodes. It then facilitates the execution and disposal of all legacy human elements."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/our...
“Our product identifies legacy process-driven, rule-based back-office tasks and streamlines them through clear process mapping and the automation of human-au...
www.mcsweeneys.net
"Sure, your little iOS update lets you type every creature in the animal kingdom with one tap. But you’ll never have what we had: a cat (=^・^=), an evil cat (>:3), and this combination that kinda looked like a crab waving its pincers in the air (V.v.V)."
“Today’s youth don’t know what it’s like to stare at the keyboard for hours, picturing which combination of symbols would make a flirty face that’s not too f...
