The official Bluesky feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books.
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McSweeney's
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"Do not insult me with excuses such as needing separate browsers for personal and work situations. You damn well know that I offer multiple profiles in the same browser simultaneously. This isn’t a game."
"I don’t have time to get into the two-point conversion, Tonya Harding, the Munich Olympics, or the 'Super Bowl Shuffle.' But you can’t bet on stuff like that anyway. At least not until the prediction markets that ultimately destroy the global economy. Don’t worry about it."
Fuuuuuuuucccckk. This just made me cry.
This is a fantastic piece of writing.
Has anyone ever seen Andrew Singleton in the same room as Ed Zitron? I'm not saying one of them is the other's secret identity... I'm just saying it's something we may need to investigate.
"Just think of this shift like the morning we change our LinkedIn profile from our rainbow logo back to our regular one. It’s always July 1 now at Bank of Money."
"While I may provide a few seconds of relief, if you’re searching for meaning and direction in your life, I’m sorry; I’m just a cute kitty stretching at your local bodega."
A new classic just dropped.
"I forged ahead on a new media empire, one built on editorial independence and millions of dollars from venture capitalists. My goal was to unmuzzle those who have been silenced, like billionaire children’s book authors, billionaire music producers, and billionaire tech execs."
"Christopher Nolan's film should have geographically accurate casting—Greek actors playing Achaeans, Turkish actors playing Trojans, and Cyclops actors from remote Mediterranean islands playing Cyclopes."
“I can’t do anything about your unaffordable rent or exorbitant student loans; I have no expenses in my life. I live in a potato chip display and sleep twent...
“The truth is, at best, inconvenient and, at worst, a threat to my bottom line. I have always believed it is the job of the news to write a rough draft of hi...
buff.ly
“It is clear that Hollywood has no interest in historical representation and is instead focused on pushing a single agenda—putting as many white people from ...
“The game itself is basically the same. Sure, the goalposts have moved, there’s more passing, and science has shown that the sport causes brain damage, but a...
“I implore you to weigh the consequences of your actions. You are damning yourself to a wretched eternity of opening all email and Slack links in Apple’s Saf...
"So, the president just posted that he’s not going to follow the law anymore. And naturally, our readers want to know if that’s legal. That’s not for us to say—we are not lawyers; we are journalists. What we do know is that it’s unprecedented."
"Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 billion in new apartments in places nobody wants them...."
“It’s been fun these past ten years. We had a blast inserting ourselves in your celebration. But the time has come for us to live our truths. And now we love...
A traveler asked: “How could ancient people possibly understand mathematics?”
Excellent question. We accidentally invented geometry while trying to avoid carrying rocks incorrectly.
“In many ways, he’s like a magician pulling infinite bunnies out of a hat, except the bunnies are tax fraud. We can’t think of a precedent in modern history....
A large pot sits in plain sight. There’s a frog in it.
Every day, Leader announces his plans to boil the frog. His campaign slogan was “BOIL THAT FROG.”
A man stirs the pot with a large stick. “It’s a metaphor,” he says.
The frog is sweating.
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
buff.ly
A traveler asked: “How could ancient people possibly understand mathematics?” Excellent question. We accidentally invented geometry while trying to avoid car...
A large pot sits in plain sight. There’s a frog in it. Every day, Leader announces his plans to boil the frog. His campaign slogan was “BOIL THAT FROG.” A ma...
