Wife: Do that thing I like.
Me: *alphabetizes spice rack*
just told the dog that everything’s alright
hate lying to my dog
i will never be painted on a fancy teacup for i am not a rose or a prim lady in petticoats or a solemn marble monument or a copse of alluring shrubs and that is alright i am a messy bun and heartsick eyes and firelight glowing in the night woods and sometimes i am the tempest the teacup cannot hold
I couldn’t remember the word broom, so I called it a floor toothbrush.
Bagpipes sound like an instrument invented during an argument.