BREAKING: The EPA just quietly added the National Mall's Reflecting Pool to its list of hazardous “Superfund Sites.”
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth’s "Department of War" is now 0-1 in wars.
BREAKING: Following the announcement of Donald Trump’s Iran deal, Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly just printed several new copies of his “Iran is weeks away from having a nuke” poster.
BREAKING: The major prediction markets are reportedly now betting on whether Donald Trump or Mitch McConnell dies of natural causes first.
BREAKING: After several GOP senators yelled at Trump today on a phone call in which they described his Iran ceasefire deal as “an unmitigated, historic humiliation for US foreign policy," Trump reportedly asked, "Is it a bad time to ask for another $250 million for the ballroom?"
BREAKING: Donald Trump has reportedly agreed to sign a peace deal with the Reflecting Pool’s algae that gives the algae full control of the pool, lets the algae charge tolls from D.C. tourists, and offers the algae $300 billion in reparations for the damage the bleach has done.
BREAKING: Cuban officials are reportedly calling the White House hourly to start negotiating with Donald Trump after seeing Iran get $300 billion from him without having to give up anything in exchange.
BREAKING: Trump staffers are reportedly having secret meetings behind his back again to plan how to react if Israel starts leaking Epstein Files to punish Trump for negotiating the most pro-Iran deal imaginable.
BREAKING: The Trump Administration says the provision in the Iran ceasefire deal that gives the Revolutionary Guard $300 billion doesn’t matter because, as one official pointed out, “Inflation is so out of control the value will be much lower by the time they get it.”
BREAKING: The Reflecting Pool is reportedly being filled with so much chlorine, bleach, and other chemicals to kill the proliferating algae that health experts are warning the water is now a fire hazard that could release chlorine gas all over the National Mall.
