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West Midlands Mayor Richard Parker has announced a bold new sports strategy for the West Midlands.
As part of the plan, each resident will be reassigned a new football team to support based on which club is located closest to their current address.
Local residents visibly blushed and clutched their pearls, and one person reportedly fainted, at the sight of the large pink and gold inflatable member being delivered to ORyans cocktail bar, for what we can only imagine to be some sort of Todger Disco tonight.
A mild moral panic was sparked in Bearwood earlier today, as a giant unidentified phallic object (UPO) made of balloons was seen making its way along Three Shires Oak Road.
Recently we've been experimenting with teaching the bears in Warley Woods to play 5-a side football. The bears seem to enjoy it, and have already formed their own league (featuring only two teams).
The crows have rather predictably formed a gambling ring to wager food scraps an the results.
Its hoped that the exhibition matches will be a big crowd draw and we have soft-launched the concept to the people of Bearwood with this crocheted post box topper.
The new system, is seen to be fairer that the current system, and will see all Wednesbury residents becoming Walsall FC fans, all Handsworth residents becoming West Brom fans and so on.