On Father’s Day Eve don’t forget to leave out a slipper, sock or stocking so your father can ask what it’s doing on the floor and why this place is always such a mess.
Iran should paint the Strait of Hormuz blue and rename it The Reflecting Strait.
I wish I had the kind of wealth, power, privilege, influence, and extensive media platform you need these days to become an enemy of the establishment elite.
Yes, it's the longest day of the year but luckily it's also the narrowest day, so don’t worry about the risk of awkward gaps in the space time continuum. It’s taken care of.
There's still time for everyone to post a Father's Day card to Boris Johnson with the message: "Hi Dad! I've only just found out. So excited. You'll be hearing from my lawyers soon."
Of all the dumb things that Trump has done recently, starting a war against Iran without knowing how to win it isn't actually the dumbest. His gravest error has been his failure to understand the fundamental truth that you should never, ever, piss off a powerful Italian woman.
On reflection, yes.
It can be exciting to receive a Valentine's Day card and not be sure who it's from. A Father's Day card, not so much.
HITCHHIKER: Wow, thanks for stopping!
DRIVER OF VERY SMALL CAR: No problem, I always stop for clowns.
HITCHHIKER: But I’m not a clown.
*thirty clowns tumble out of back of car, grab him & drag him inside*
CLOWNS: You are now, pal.
My novel Stone Heart Deep is the perfect Father's Day gift, if your father likes being unsettled by a chilling psychological thriller set on a remote Scottish island where strange things are happening. And what kind of father doesn't? Audio book also available.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1785...