"O' great Stick God, we summon thee. In memory of our dear departed friend Cricket, we ask thy great one to unleash a lightning bolt of botox directed at you know who. Dog's speed."
Sealant Team Six guarding our vulnerable shores against Algae-Qeada, Algaetifa. And Algae Sharpton.
CoolHandNuke
CoolHandNuke
The reviews are in.
"I'm lichen it. Except for the bigly words"--Eric Trump
"He makes me look better every day"--Spiro Agnew
"Go fuck yourself, and your couch"--Dick Cheney
"He spelled potato right"--Dan Quayle
"He doesn't have a pretty mouth"--Ned Beatty
"He'd last 4 hours in Appalachia"--Cletus
CoolHandNuke
There's just one place in this entire country that is completely safe, fully insulated from the darkness, a place to hide out, a spot undiscovered, undetected, and liberated from consequences....
The Epstein Files.
The Manchurian Cantaloupe has successfully invaded and acquired Greenland.
I tried the Dilberito. It was Scott Adams' burrito creation of soylent green chiles and vitamins. Adams departed this mortal coil today. Spoiler: he morphed into a cruel creature. Part of Adams is still in me--my intestines have been unable to process that Dilberito.
Letters From the Front: The War on Algae
Dear Clara
Placid, shimmering waters. That has changed. Blooms of decay fill the air, like my basement apt. Vandals hiding in the trees and water. I am the sword of vengeance wrapped tightly in the fist of an angry god, and I just wanna go to Cracker Barrell.
Went grocery shopping. WTF. Somebody pissed off Poseidon. The seafood prices are insane...
Crapulent Catfish $16.99/lb
Simplistic Salmon $18.99/lb
Mediocre Mahi Mahi $23.50/lb
Half-witted Halibut $23.79/lb
And Obtuse Barracuda is 24.95/lb. My days of enjoying the dumbest fruits de mer are history.
