I do not want to only be a good friend to people who have been a good friend to me. I do not want to live that way. I want to be sweet and soft and if I am hurt, then I want to be strong and sweet and soft.
My bengal cats are very attuned to my and my partner's moods. That means, when we find out that our chest freezer got unplugged and all of our food spoiled, the cats, in their deep empathy, start biting my feet. ðŸ«
If you have stable long term friend groups, they're probably resistant to changing the group vibe by including new people. If you have a group that's been meeting for a decade, sometimes they might develop an "after marriage" kind of policy, to keep the group stable.
It's tempting. Having a dating but not yet committed couple in the group introduces risk that the relationship blows up and it blows up the whole group. But you're not gonna get there if you don't have a nurturing space for the relationship to grow in community.
And also, I want to be happy on my wedding day. I do not want to look out and see people I love, and feel hurt.
Also, same in the other direction for everyone else. Their lives are full.
If you want partnership, you gotta have space for it. Your friends, family, chosen family, and community, all need to support it. They need to meet and vet and be willing to love someone you love.
One of the reasons it's hard to date in your thirties is because your life is already full, and also, you probably have friends who like you as an individual and are actively shutting down opportunities for you to become a couple, without realizing that's what they're doing.
Romance is so, so easy, you guys. It's literally just dedicating some attention. Yesterday I spent literally 5 minutes of extra attention on my girlfriend before they came over. I picked a rose and put rose petals on the bed. They are *still* all anime-eyes and dripping wet at me about it.
The best way to network in 2025 is having been on okcupid in 2013.
