Portland writer. Erstwhile podcaster. Occasional author. Horror fan and pinball enthusiast. https://linktr.ee/joestreckert
Joe Streckert
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Commentary: I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake
Space Elves: Just like High Elves and Dark Elves, but In Space.
Today one of my coworkers told me about how she tried D&D for the first time and said “I didn’t think there’d be so much paperwork about being an elf.”
When I buy tickets for a show and I see that it starts at seven or seven thirty I breathe a sigh of relief because I love live music but I also enjoy getting a normal amount of rest.
In my twenties I was like “oh hell yeah three encores!” but now I think of more than one as basically a hostage situation. Same with sets longer than 90 minutes.
I’m very grateful that my birthday is exactly two weeks before Halloween. Close enough for plenty of spooky vibes and costumes, but far enough away that it can also be its own thing.
Thinking about how different elves would react to paperwork.
High Elves: Great at bureaucracy. Do taxes and insurance for fun
Dark Elves: Same, but with loopholes and fraud.
Wood Elves: Will start try cry if asked to fill out a W-2.
Sea Elves: Will kill anyone who asks them to fill out a W-2.
Grimdark: Everything is fucked
Dying Earth: the world is fucked
New Weird: A city is fucked
Folk horror: A village is fucked
Gothic: A castle or mansion is fucked but so are families
'Elevated' A24 horror: families are fucked
Body Horror: You are fucked
Vampires: vampires
Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where the...
