Every book you've ever read is also about attempted murder because I promise you at some point it tried to kill the person who was writing it
Remember folks if you’re ever trying to buy beer or wine and you forget your ID you can always just show them you have Merlin installed on your phone and legally they have to accept that
This. Changes. Everything.
BREAKING: was walking the dogs today and passed a house where another dog jumped RIGHT up on the porch railing and started barking at us and his owner put her phone down and yelled “Joseph Ramone Tribiani, you get down from there RIGHT now” and that’s today’s breaking news
No better feeling than when someone else’s dog or cat picks you to hang out with, and their owner's always all "awww he likes you" and you play it cool like "he probably just smells my dog" but inside you're just absolutely screaming OF COURSE HE LIKES ME I AM THE CHOSEN ONE AND VERY SPECIAL
Word of the day is “Kakotherēs” which is Ancient Greek for “bad at summer,” and on the day I’ve finally been consistently sweaty and miserable enough to pack all my sweaters away until we’re given the priceless gift of autumn again, this felt like a good thing to share because I too am bad at summer
Jonathan Edward Durham
It's Sunday! And that means it's time to shake things up with a little grown-up show and tell! So show us something neat and tell us about it! Something you made, something you did, something you're proud of. Friends, pets, family. Anything really! Go on, show us!
I love whimsical packaging. Honey in a little bear bottle? Yes please. Cheese in red wax? Absolutely. Do I want a fat little raindrop of mediocre chocolate? No, not really. Do I want one if you wrap it in shiny foil and put a little feather in its cap? You're goddamn right I do, give me twenty
