I can definitely agree with that. I don't think I ever recovered from my experiences of Charing Cross, they destroyed what little self-confidence I had left. Someone pointed out that most people who go there don't have an eating disorder but by the time they leave most have developed one.
The NHS needs to be burnt to the ground and started anew. It's had decades of corruption and the same bad pennies come back every time it's reorganised; it can't be fixed. Obviously private insurance is not an option but a fresh approach minus all the managers and hangers-on is needed.
Fucking hell I hate being alive. Why won't my body just die? I hate the bastard: fat, useless, clumsy and can't even get dying right. Useless. It has no reason to exist anyway since I don't have a soul.
Why won't my body just fucking die? I've tried ODing on stuff that should've killed me and didn't; tried walking in front of a train and it missed; tried playing with the traffic, same story; it couldn't even get a fucking heart attack right, they're supposed to kill you, not "is this indigestion?"
Facebook is going to ban me for talking about feeling suicidal.
Fuck this shitty world and fuck everybody in it.
I found Curtis a bit odd, but I think by that time he'd reached the end of the line with Barrett's harassment. I'd got my two referrals from Lorimer & Lenihan and that blob at Nuffield (Brighton) said they weren't good enough so I had to get another two from Curtis & Perrin.
And in case anyone guilt-trips me about "but what about the people who care?" that'll be precisely nobody and is why I never see another person from one month to the next. Especially my "parents", fucking wasters; and if you're stalking me, fuck off.
That picture of the Waffen SS facing justice I said I probably shouldn't post. I'm also against the death penalty but there are exceptions. These were military personnel who shot and killed unarmed civilians. Same applies to our public servants and I hope those responsible meet the same end.
Thing is, I say that, but then I see this dumpy little troglodyte and the fear on her face and I can't help but feel empathy for her. For someone in the Waffen SS who caused God knows how many deaths. The executioner (in the stripy blouse) seems to have no such reservations though.
