i was call a cult leader before,by someone who i loved deeply for years. we worked creatively together so much. it just haunts me every day. like am i really that? what am i doing? what is this, really? .. but its really helped by my best friends who help me run the thing. idk.
seriously.. i dont have tolerance for edgy racist stuff. like its already way too normal to put on a digital black face. why are people surprise when i have no tolerance for this? i have experience with being faced with this crap, i know the flags.. dont bring that shit to conejo. deconstruct.
and yes i havent forgotten abt yayemarket, i do want to do it. im just still dealing stuff in my inner world.. so i need time. i want to be ready for that, in a state where i can work. for now, we have these fun smaller event. warming up warming up
im delete this later but all this crap of my real life changing completely and being destroyed is just making me so depressed. i wanna run events. i wanna work on vn. why
youtu.be/18ej53jcCIk june 15th alphabet game ................................................................................. ya
im always trying to not abuse my power, im very aware of that position as a 'community leader' .. when i started this i didnt expect it to become this large at all so i feel like im now shifting things to be more suitable for that environment, more collaborative. im still learning..
banning people always gives me crazy stress. sometime i feel unfit to running a community because im a fuck up... but on other hand this has saved me so much. thing are so hard lately. i feel really weird about my position. like why am i even doing this when even slight tension stress me..
