i'm conflicted because neither are particularly the right answer.
being complacent hasn't worked because it's what i've been doing the whole time anyways and it's only gotten me to this point
aggressively throwing away everything doesn't seem like the correct solution to me either
thinking about how for most of my life i've had to be pushed into some of the better moments kind of feels like a double edged sword
for almost all of these moments i'm extremely grateful i got the push out of my comfort bubble, but for some of them i feel quite conflicted about it
part of me is practically screaming at myself, knowing that i'm stuck in the past, wondering why i can't just simply scrape away almost a decade of history and start anew
the other part is perfectly complacent with not even bothering or caring
a parallel thought i keep having is that i've been stuck in the past regarding a lot of things that have changed for the worst in the past like 2 or so years
... and it has felt like i need that push to close this chapter of my life and start anew with people i trust & know are by my side for a bit
