I fear showering because she might go off in that moment. I fear getting into the bathroom to take a shir because she may choose that moment to wander the house scream crying and then fall.
And the creative new ways she has to be dissatisfied and upset and which feel like barbs against me even though I know they are not. The newest is, the toilet is "that hole". "Do I pee in that hole?" It's the toilet! You're not in squalor, it's your house!
A thing people need to understand going forward. They will tell you they're joking while they arrest the undesirables. They will say they're just trolling as they put you up against the wall. They'll laugh and tell you to lighten up as they take aim. Musk was sending a signal with that salute.
This has been going on for years. That's why the current fascist is not the romantic hero he was back in the day, and instead he is a jester. They understood the power of comedy and ridicule. Serious people will stand up to the tyrant, but hesitate before taking on the jester.
"What if I look like a fool for taking his words and actions seriously?" That fear has been disarming way too many people.
For 200 dollars I show up to your funeral. I'm head shaven and wearing a stylish suit. As they lower your casket into the ground I pull out a flip phone. Into it I say: "Proceed. Nobody can stop us now". I walk away breaking the flip phone in half.
See, as a Mexican I have no issue with Trump renaming the Gulf of Mexico after himself. El Golfo de America will be a very fitting way to honor him.
I'm so, so very tired of being on alert all day, every day, no rest, no relief. Any moment my mom can go psychotic because of the dementia, and I have to be on the look out for that. Can't let it get too bad, can't really calm her down. Day after day of this, I can't do anything else.
Shame is a powerful tool of modern fascism. Not the shame of doing something wrong, instead it's the shame of not getting it, of not being in on the joke, of being lame. They don't forbid you noticing what happens before your eyes, they shame you into ignoring it.
And the crying, crying and crying and crying. Did you know there's a point when your mother crying stops breaking your heart and becomes unbearable on whole other way?
