i want those hands to touch me more than anything, so far away... i wonder how few times in all those years of longing and secret admiration i touched those hands, and now i ache for them so dearly
suddenly, living in the real world and feeling like a real person who's really alive, and feeling so incomparably lovestruck with someone who isn't just a memory anymore, has made me extremely weak to thinking about sexual and romantic things that used to be too vanilla for me
how shameful
