A mum is carrying her little boy into the house. He is kicking and screaming.
Mum: What’s wrong?
Little boy: I don’t want to go home! I want to go dancing!!
Woman in a café queue (showing her phone to a male friend beside her): This is the weirdest video ever made.
Man (after a pause): I’m afraid it’s definitely not.
My mouth falls open with surprise as for a moment I think I am looking at an incredibly hirsute man with extraordinary ears sitting outside a pub, his crossed legs in blue jeans, and then I realise, the man has an upright dog on his lap - perfectly covering the upper part of his body and head.
Some serious cyclists in all the gear are chatting outside a café.
Cyclist: I used to smoke weed. But it doesn’t mix with riding bikes.
Goodnight x
Man in the Post Office: I love my dog but my good Christ she can fart.