Inlay

‘… anyway, all they did was get their house broken into by a little girl. Why is that so special?’,’ asks Buttercup. ‘Must we go through this again?’ ‘I’m only saying…’ ‘ Yeah, yeah… “Three Bears”, “The Three Musketeers”, why not “The Three Amazing Cows”… yadda yadda…’ says Elaine. ‘Well? Why not?’ ‘We haven’t done anything.’ ‘We chew cud.’ Elaine looks unimpressed. Buttercup raises the stakes. ‘And we fart.’ Bang on cue, two hikers appear. Elaine and Buttercup saunter across the field and turn so their rumps are facing the footpath. As the hikers approach they lift their tails and break wind. The sun comes out. A Belted Galloway lollops towards them. ‘Morning, Cheryl!’ they call. ‘Glorious day!’ says Cheryl. ‘What’s glorious about it?’ asks Buttercup. ‘Oh, this sunshine! These poppies! The three of us here together… Oh, this… this Life!’ Buttercup wanders off to investigate someone else’s cowpat. ‘Anyway, you’ll never guess where I’ve been!’ says Cheryl. ‘Next field.’ ‘How do you know?’ Elaine gestures at the open gate. ‘Wild guess.’ A bull swaggers into the field opposite. ‘Phwaaorr’ says Elaine. Cheryl humps her for a bit and then makes a suggestion: ‘Let’s trample someone to death! A dog!’ ‘Whatever for?’ ‘Might be fun. Inflicting pain. Got to be more to life than farting.’ ‘Sounds pretty sadistic to me,’ says Buttercup, who’s rejoined them. ‘Count me in.’ ‘Buttercup...’ says Elaine. ‘It would make us famous! “The Three Bad Cows”… “Three Dog-Murdering Cows” – even better…’ ‘Buttercup!!’ ‘Please don’t judge me, Elaine. A cow needs her dreams. And anyway, one man’s meat... as you’re always saying.’ ‘Fair point. Sorry, Buttercup. You kill whoever you like.’ ‘No worries. Let’s eat.’ The cows lower their heads and ruminate. The poppies dance and glow. A skylark sings. ‘What’s meat?’ asks Cheryl, after a while. --- S A Greene's stories feature wombats, tables (kitchen, picnic, dining), homesick capybaras, a foetus with dodgy political views, duplicitous eels, a musical vagina, the Last Man on Earth, and a blue sponge.