We can all dream of a better world. Won't do you much good, but you can.
We all drew straws to see who’d have to write this boringly obvious piece and I ended up being the unlucky gal, so let’s just get this stupid thing over with, yeah?
We don’t get to decide the outcome. All we get to do is decide how to react. The moment we accept that, dear reader, the game becomes a lot more fun.
"Broadly speaking, this is what evil clerics such as my character, Bleak Badpriest, would do if given a powerful, destructive weapon such as the popular Sphere of Annihilation or hundreds of Minuteman III Missiles.”
In the video, two gamers are playing a game of Magic with cards hard to discern due to the issues inherent in generative AI video. However, one card does become visible at the :34 second mark, played by a competitor with a coquetish grin that quickly melts into his chin for a few frames.
"Hello. I am Richard Garfield, legendary game designer behind Magic: the Gathering and King of Tokyo. Please be mindful of token limits in your account when asking questions."
“Y’see, when our employees first came to us with this union business, we thought it was a phase. Like all children, our employees would of course be rowdy and unruly at times, but deep down we knew we were all a family and it would all blow over.”
Onlookers say Kruell then did a running frontflip into Bennington, sending any remaining cards and MTG accessories on the table at the time flying and causing the wrestling crowd to break into a roar of cheers. “A few even said that they were ‘the table’ for some reason."
“Look, union dues are a lot.” said Cocks while wiping his ass with 2-ply $100 bills. “Imagine spending some of a resource now to ensure you get a lot more later. What kind of self respecting Magic player does that?”
“We don’t care! Stop thinking so much! Stop engaging with our products as the result of artistic design and craft! We make products, okay? Not art. Products! Stop looking at and talking about our ‘art’ and just buy our fucking products!”
Groom Lake, NV — I admit, I was filled with equal parts anticipation and nervousness as I was led through the empty steel corridors by the soldiers (don’t worry, I don’t die in this one.) I was grante...
[Long, drawn-out exhausted sigh] Look, you clicked on this article. You knew what you were getting into. They spoiled and it turns out that any creature is “worthy” if it’s legendary, white and/or r...
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Yes we know Sen Triplets is a thing. Shut up. There’s a moment in some Commander games where you look around the table and realize the world is absolutely on fire. One player has a combo engine hummin...
PATUCKET, RI– According to reports from Hasbro Headquarters, their new AI model trained to play Dungeons and Dragons has gone rogue. Having gained access to the United States nuclear codes, it’s expec...
Redmond, WA – Using a new in-house generative AI program trained on internal assets, Wizards of the Coast today released a new commercial for their Magic: The Gathering Arena product. Keen-eyed viewer...
SEATTLE, WA — Over the past few years of Magic: the Gathering’s history, a number of prominent changes have occurred which more established players have found foreign. The rise of complexity via FIRE ...
The following is a recounting of recent work done by The Herald’s elite Agents Locating Prominent Harmful Associations/Bigotry, Establishing Tolerance, & Making All Free Information Available (aka ALP...
CICERO, IL — Chaos erupted over the weekend as a Paper Cube tournament was brought to an abrupt end after the feature match area was destroyed by a pair of brawling wrestlers. The event, which was run...
Today, in an unprompted statement, Wizards of the Coast announced the following: “Captain Kirk is Bant because we say so. Shut up.” This bizarre and unexpected statement was made presumably to follow ...
