✊🏾🧠 Founding President of #BlackInNeuro 🌍 📚 Neuroscience Professor 👩🏾🏫 #HBCUgrad ✨ International Invited Speaker 🇹🇹🇭🇹 ΔΣΘ🔺 she/her
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
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My friend: “On a scale of 1-10 - where 10 is everything is roses and 1 is you want to get hit by a bus - how are you?”
Me: “Like a 2…” 😞
This was a conversation from a few months ago that ended up being a terrifying wake-up call to how deep in a dark place I was.
And ya know what, when I got back things were still functioning. The world didn’t fall apart in my absence.
While that could be disheartening, it was actually freeing - I learned I could take time for myself without fear of everything falling apart.
I can do it more consistently.
Note: I did check my email occasionally (with no pressure to respond) b/c coming back to an overflowing inbox would’ve stressed me out more
But I did try to leave work alone as much as possible
What I did for myself:
•delegated tasks, rescheduled meetings, and set my out-of-office email
•found a new therapist
•did little things every day that made me feel human & present
•took time to find glimmers of joy, even if I couldn’t sustain the feeling
•spent time with loved ones
•existed
I’m still not 100%, but I’m doing a little better each day 💖
Finding the hope and joy is a little easier. I’m looking forward to things more.
The honesty in my journey isn’t one to be ashamed of - I share it with colleagues & students to let them know they aren’t alone in the dark.
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
I’m sharing this here in hopes that
1) it’s a wake-up call for anyone who realizes that their most honest answer to that question is lower than they expected
2) everyone is reminded that care of your mental/emotional wellbeing isn’t optional
3) someone is encouraged to take the time they need ✨
With encouragement from friends, I did something that felt very drastic, I took 3 weeks off.
Looking back, it wasn’t that long - but it was the middle of the semester. I was teaching, program directing, had a million emails, etc. But there’s never a good time to have a a major depressive episode.
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
I was going through the motions, but not actually living.
I wasn’t experiencing joy & felt like had nothing to look forward to.
I was barely holding on. One more thing going wrong would’ve pushed me over the edge.
•
•
I ended up sobbing by in my dept chair’s office b/c I needed a short leave.
things have not changed here. please, if you’re not in minnesota, do not look away. please prepare where you are. this is what they’ll do to your community next.
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
Angeline J. Dukes, PhD
Bad news: our furnace went out and we haven’t had heat for 5 days 😩
Good news: my husband surprised me with this gorgeous bouquet of roses ❤️
