"You probably hope you can fall back to sleep in a few minutes, but I assure you, you cannot. I’m about to turn it up. I’ve got some buddies out here to rip off a cacophony, and we don’t take harmonization lightly. We live by the song, die by the song."
“I love each new day, what it might bring, the possibilities, the joy of the unknown. One thing is certain, though, and that’s the yelling I will do out of m...
Reading this gem about USB cables took me back to a 2012 @mcsweeneys.net classic: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/in-...
Cathartic to write. Pelley is one of my favorites.
Word is they sternly told the stone to no longer roll down the hill and that this was the approach that finally worked!
Definitely a fun one to write and see enjoyed (bittersweetly?) in the world. Onward and upward!
Sent this one to a few family members. Just because.
"A BELL tolls. POE nonchalantly flexes his guns: boom, boom. A RAVEN in a nearby magnolia swoons, falls from the tree, and expires."
The @mcsweeneys.net lists are on a real tear recently
Selfishly, could one of those ones I have to dust off repeatedly and incessantly, until the end of time.
In which I write more political satire catharsis to help get me through the days that feel, more and more, like rolling a boulder up a hill.
"The remaining 5 percent concerns only the final portion of the hill, the tendency of the boulder to inevitably roll back down to the very beginning, the eternal nature of my punishment, and the fact that Hades has not technically agreed to alter any terms."
“The remaining 5 percent concerns only the final portion of the hill, the tendency of the boulder to inevitably roll back down to the very beginning, the ete...
"I have entire desk drawers of USB cables. Shoeboxes under the bed. I wouldn't be surprised if the shoes themselves came with a USB cable. I really can't look at a shoebox without having a panic attack about what I am going to do with all these cables."
McSweeney's
“I have entire desk drawers of USB cables. Shoeboxes under the bed. I wouldn’t be surprised if the shoes themselves came with a USB cable. I really can’t loo...
"NEW EXECUTIVE PRODUCER IS FOZZIE BEAR. FOZZIE ASKS TOUGH QUESTIONS LIKE, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' AND THEN, WHEN SUBJECT REFUSED TO ANSWER, FOZZIE SAY, 'Wocka wocka,' WHICH IS INDUSTRY TERM FOR ACCOUNTABILITY."
McSweeney's
- You’re fired.
- You are getting a promotion.
- You are getting a demotion.
- You are now in charge.
- The person you hate here the most is now in charge, and they told me to tell you that you are fired.
buff.ly
“A BELL tolls. POE nonchalantly flexes his guns: boom, boom. A RAVEN in a nearby magnolia swoons, falls from the tree, and expires.”
“MEETING WITH NEWS MAN GO BAD. NEWS MAN SPEAK LOUD. NEWS MAN SAY THINGS. NEWS MAN DEFEND JOURNALISM LIKE JOURNALISM CAN BE SAVED FROM ANIMAL’S LARRY ELLISON ...
"Yes, I know that Grammie died five years ago. But you know who doesn’t know that? Verizon. She has automatic payments set up that connect to some bank account that we also don’t have access to."
"The remaining 5 percent concerns only the final portion of the hill, the tendency of the boulder to inevitably roll back down to the very beginning, the eternal nature of my punishment, and the fact that Hades has not technically agreed to alter any terms."
You’re fired. You are getting a promotion. You are getting a demotion. You are now in charge. The person you hate here the most is now in charge, and they to...
"I am told by several lesser gods that the boulder understands the seriousness of the moment, though I will grant that the stone has not said this to me directly."
“The remaining 5 percent concerns only the final portion of the hill, the tendency of the boulder to inevitably roll back down to the very beginning, the ete...
“The remaining 5 percent concerns only the final portion of the hill, the tendency of the boulder to inevitably roll back down to the very beginning, the ete...
“You see, when I was your age, my mother (Grammie, to you) added me to a family plan, which meant that my phone costs were included in her bill. Your father’...
