Serberus (Seb) 29 / THEY|THEM 18+ No Minors // Character designer, Lover of iced coffee and lord of procrastinating.
𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐒
It's a weird type of frustration where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for my overall stress about computer stuff but im being blocked by something I can't control and its like compounding all of my emotional junk
I like writing the contrasting views on grief between my wol Aruktai and my take on Nidhogg (Now called Nilpheal) because they're both deeply effected by the loss of a sister but one turns it internally on himself and the other turns it outwardly on the world.
And Nil thinking that the world must suffer for that grief to be fixed, destroying everything at such a high cost he inadvertently erases his own grief from the narrative by creating a greater misery.
Trying to redownload all my games onto the new PC and it is taking, genuinely, HOURS to get even a single game downloaded...
And they look at one another like a mirror version of torment that they might have been had they been different people. They see each other's grief as the torturous one. Aru thinking that keeping his grief locked away inside of himself is less harmful, but destroying himself in the process-
They think the other is the saddest version of their fork in the road that could have happened, pitying the way that they have turned out. Both would be ruined by what the other wants.
Aru ends up crumpling under fear and self loathing when he gets too close to others and Nil is brought to ruin by fleeting connections...
I have a lot of feelings about these two okay
And they both think that the other is the one who has lost sight of what that grief was for. Remembering, persevering. honoring, loving- Either way they are both suffering intensely and it has irrevocably shaped who they are and limited who they can be.
They have carved out so much of themselves to make room for grief they have lost themselves. And become effigies of loneliness. But again they are contrasting sides of the coin. Aru seeks out connections, helps people, makes lives better, but those relationships are kept surface level-
𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐒
And Nil struggles to connect with anyone and isolates and pushes others away but longs deeply for a connection again and ends up tethering himself to others in the hopes that might get to keep it.
