"Some say there is no bad time for self-cleaning, but avoiding special occasions such as wedding anniversaries is recommended." Another excellent piece by @nomad-sw18.bsky.social #nffd2026
FlashFlood: 'The frequency of your life self-cleaning cycle depends on spillage and usage patterns' by Cole Beauchamp #nffd2026
Signs it is time for a self-clean cycle: buildup of grease, odors and heavy emotional residue.
Some say there is no bad time for self-cleaning, but avoiding special occasions such as wedding anniversaries is recommended.
Self-cleaning requires extremely high temperatures, which will trigger an automatic shutdown. During this time, you may experience reruns of bad decisions, like having sex with your partner’s best friend in the bathroom at Lowry’s.
The unit will unlock once these errors have been processed and temperature is within limits.
Ensure good ventilation and wipe out any debris with a soft cloth and a heartfelt apology.
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Cole Beauchamp is a queer writer based in London. Her stories have been in the Wigleaf Top 50 and nominated for multiple awards. She’s a 2026 Smokelong Quarterly Emerging Writer Fellow and contributing editor of New Flash Fiction Review.
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