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America’s Finest News Source. A @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social subsidiary. Get the paper delivered to your door: membership.theonion.com Join The Onion Newsletter: https://theonion.com/newsletters/
The Onion
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Target Scales Back Pride Section To Single T-Shirt Saying They’d Do A Threesome With A Girl For Their Boyfriend’s Birthday https://theonion.com/target-scales-back-pride-section-to-single-t-shirt-sayi-1850501108/
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The Onion
Rick Brunson Tests Jalen Brunson Again On What To Say When Press Asks About Bruises
Real Estate: Chic Apartment With Designer Furniture
Blow your paycheck like a well-informed citizen. https://store.theonion.com/products/area-dad-headline-t-shirt?variant=42705274175557
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McDonald’s Worker Suffers Severe Burns After Being Attacked With Hot Oil https://theonion.com/mcdonalds-worker-suffers-severe-burns-after-being-attacked-with-hot-oil/
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The Most Unbreakable Records In Sports History https://theonion.com/the-most-unbreakable-records-in-sports-history/
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Sam Levinson Emerges From 7-Year Drug Binge Horrified At What He Created https://theonion.com/sam-levinson-emerges-from-7-year-drug-binge-horrified-at-what-he-created/
“Yeah, me and the bunco gals lit a few liquor bottles on fire and tossed them at ICE agents the other day, and I won $5 in our game!” said Rebecca Peters
“We’re not allowed to take breaks of any kind,” one Amazon worker said on the condition of anonymity, claiming that human chess pieces are expected to stand motionless for more than eight hours at a time on the board’s three-by-three-foot squares.
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MIAMI—In an official filing with the U.S. Department of Labor, Amazon employees alleged Monday that they had been exposed to inhumane working conditions while staffing the human chessboard that execut...
theonion.com
Amazon Employees Detail Inhumane Working Conditions On Bezos’ Human Chessboard
MINNEAPOLIS—Nonchalantly bringing up the act of violent resistance while discussing a fun evening she had with her friends, local mom Rebecca Peters casually mentioned Wednesday to her son Miles that ...
theonion.com
Mom Casually Mentions Her Bunco Group Threw Molotov Cocktails At ICE Last Week