America’s Finest News Source. A @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social subsidiary.
Get the paper delivered to your door: membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion Newsletter: https://theonion.com/newsletters/
The Onion
Loading...
“An air fryer can be a powerful and reliable tool, but it’s no replacement for genuine interactions with other human beings,” said psychiatrist Lisa McDougan
“People are usually shocked when I tell them my mom was a maiden and my dad was a rain god who took the form of a bull,” the minor deity said
Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship https://theonion.com/doctors-warn-air-fryers-not-a-substitute-for-human-companionship/
Commentary: I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake
Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat
This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Schtick-Starter
Your World. Your Merch. Our Money. https://store.theonion.com/products/im-gay-for-corporate-pandering-headline-t-shirt-1?variant=42792362311749
Become A Member. Get The Paper: membership.theonion.com?campaign=701...
Backup Plan In Case Menu Item Out Of Stock Most Well-Thought-Out Part Of Man’s Life https://theonion.com/backup-plan-in-case-menu-item-out-of-stock-most-well-th-1819578950/
Idris Elba Says Some Audiences Won’t Accept Black James Bond https://theonion.com/idris-elba-says-some-audiences-wont-accept-black-james-bond/
BALTIMORE—Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans’ daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that air fryers should not be considered an adequate s...
TENAFLY, NJ—According to Roosevelt Elementary custodian Thanasis Danielopoulos, faculty and staff at the school are often surprised when they learn that back in his home country of Greece, he was a de...
theonion.com
Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where the...
