Words and numbers are of equal value, for, in the cloak of knowledge, one is warp and the other woof. It is no more important to count the sands than it is to name the stars.
—
To read all its wit and wisdom, get a copy from a local bookstore or library.
The Phantom Tollbooth Quotes
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“Now we’ll get to the bottom of this,” he heard someone say. “Here comes Officer Shrift.”
Striding across the square was the shortest policeman Milo had ever seen. He was scarcely two feet tall and almost twice as wide.
“AHA!” interrupted Officer Shrift, making another note in his little book. “Just as I thought: boys are the cause of everything.”
The Spelling Bee buzzed dangerously in and out of range of the Humbug’s wildly swinging cane as they menaced and threatened each other, and the crowd stepped back out of danger.
“Most people are just too lazy to make their own words,” he continued, “but it’s much more fun.”
“Is it difficult? I’m not much good at making words,” admitted Milo, spitting the pits from a P.
“A slavish concern for the composition of words is the sign of a bankrupt intellect,” roared the Humbug, waving his cane furiously.
“You see, years ago I was just an ordinary bee minding my own business, smelling flowers all day, and occasionally picking up part-time work in people’s bonnets. Then one day I realized that I’d never amount to anything without an education and, being naturally adept at spelling, I decided that——”
“This,” said the bee with complete disdain, “is the Humbug. A very dislikable fellow.”
“NONSENSE! Everyone loves a Humbug,” shouted the Humbug.
“I am the Spelling Bee,” announced the Spelling Bee. “Don’t be alarmed—a-l-a-r-m-e-d.”
Milo, who was not overly fond of normal-sized bees, began to back away slowly.
“I can spell anything—a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g,” he boasted, testing his wings. “Try me, try me!”
“Can you spell ‘good-by’?”
“BAH!” said the bug, putting an arm around Milo. “As soon as you learn to spell one word, they ask you to spell another. You can never catch up—so why bother? Take my advice, my boy, and forget about it. As my great-great-great-grandfather George Washington Humbug used to say——”
The Phantom Tollbooth Quotes
At the age I first read this book I'd never heard the expression "short shrift" before or indeed the word "shrift" at all, so I was completely oblivious to this joke.
